From Sreejith Narayan to S.Narayan and back

Sairam and Happy Easter to all readers.

It was on the Easter day of 2012 that the first edition of "Sai Thy Kingdom Come" was released. It is very hard for me to believe that it has been only a year since the book came out. To me it felt like a thrill-ride with so many great things happening along the way. One of the things that makes me feel so happy is that because of the book I was able to interact with many great Sai devotees whom I once could only just dream of conversing with.

I have usually tried to keep emotions away from my writings because I always thought emotions cloud one's reasoning. But this post is a bit emotional as it speaks of my travails,  triumphs and Divine interventions while the book was being written.

I was initially not sure whether I should share this experience since it is personal and  certain things would make sense only on the basis of our individual relationship with Swami. So I went to the prayer room, closed my eyes and prayed to the Lord for direction. As I do on certain such occasions, grabbed a Sai book from the shelf and opened a random page to read a certain portion. My belief is that if the prayer is sincere, Swami will give a clue through the words in the book. The book I got hold of was "Baba The Universal Chancellor" written by my father Sri. E. Narayanan Kutty and among the words I read were "I had also seen with some devotees, things such as ring, bracelet, watch etc., given by Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba". I got the confirmation needed and decided to share this story. On why I took this as the confirmation, readers will come to know as the rest of the story unfolds.

A year ago, as the book was getting ready to be released via the internet, a thought passed through my mind that it wouldn't be prudent to put my name as the author since I was certain that Swami alone wrote this book. I had never written a book or a significant article before that and could not even dream of writing and publishing such a book. To me it stands as a testimony to the fact that when we leave everything to Him, anything is possible. Swami has clearly and often miraculously led me to all the materials that were needed. How it was completed in a matter of only three months is still beyond me and so it is to some readers, I have learnt.

Coming back to my mental conflict about the author name, on further contemplation, I felt if I did not put any name as the author, readers could misinterpret that I was hiding behind my convictions. So I decided to take the middle ground and use a pen name "S.Narayan", where the initial "S" could also denote "Sathya", indicative of "Sathya Narayan" (Swami's birth name) who really wrote this book. Thus the book was released with S.Narayan as the author.

During the period when the book was being written I was interacting a lot with a Sai student (we will call him SS for this article) who is a close friend and like a brother to me. It was important for me to get his opinion on certain things since maya the usual enemy played its occasional tricks, leading me to doubt whether the Sai world would accept such a book, that too, close to a year after the Maha Samadhi. During our conversations, my friend used to mention a certain Sai devotee in Hyderabad (we will call him HD) whom he considered a mentor and as having direct interaction with Swami. He explained some mind-boggling miraculous stories which clearly showed that this person indeed received direct messages from Swami. I did believe my friend since I trusted his wisdom and discrimination but the stories gradually faded into the background of other discussions surrounding the book. Once the book came out, again maya bore its fangs and I started doubting whether it was the right thing to do to publish my beliefs about Swami's return. My conviction was probably meant to be a silent and personal crusade and I questioned my own wisdom of dragging other devotees into it. I prayed hard to Swami for a confirmation that it was Him who brought forth this book. And confirm He did; that too with a thunderbolt of an incident. The moment I can never forget and can remember only with tears of joy rolling down my cheeks.

This happened only a few days after the book had been released and much before it really started doing rounds in the Sai Circles. One morning SS calls me to say: "Sairam brother, You are not going to believe this. Today HD Sir called and guess what he told me?". He started narrating their conversation (taken from memory).

HD:  Isn't it your friend who wrote the book about Swami's return?

SS:  Sir, how did you know that he is my friend?

HD: (No answer to the previous question) Why did he not put his full name in the book?

To my perplexed friend he continued.

HD:  Swami asked me to convey the following. "Tell him that I was with him all the while when it was being written. When I give gifts like rings or bracelets, devotees proudly wear them. That book is My gift to him. Ask him to proudly put his full name as the author".

Upon hearing this I did not know how to react. Even now I have no words to describe the feelings that went through my mind at that moment. I did not want to ask anything further to my friend or gather minute details. I silently expressed my gratitude to my loving Lord and knew that I would never have to look back.  Soon the book was published with my full name "Sreejith Narayan".

As you may have already guessed, the reference in the random line I read in my father's book in the prayer room, to Swami giving rings and bracelets to devotees, gave me the confirmation to publish this article. The beautiful "gift" named "Sai, Thy Kingdom Come" that my dear Lord gave me on the previous Easter, was also re-affirmed in a dream He gave to my sister-in-law Milee who translated the book to Malayalam. She called me one day and explained her dream in which Swami said: "That book is the wisdom I granted to Sreejith Narayan".  Then a few days later, Swami again came in her dream and chided: "I did not say I granted him the book. I gifted it to him". In that dream Swami repeatedly mentioned the word "gift" as if to stress on that point.

As to the question of why Swami did not give me the direct confirmation, I do not have a definite answer. But I do have some clues to that, which I will save for another post. As such, I am so happy to share this with all the readers. Thank you all for your love and wonderful support.